I've been thinking...a lot lately. I try not to cause it always leads to...more thinking. I don't really have time to be all philosophical. It just takes too much of my day. However, sometimes I just can't help it.
One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is emotions. And the array of them I seem to be feeling lately. We have been talking in church about agency and opposition. It is imperative to have both in our lives. If we did not know dark, we could not know light. If we did not know sadness, we would not know gladness...and so on. This is the same with the rest of our emotions...I believe. Early on in my marriage I struggled...a lot. Those who know me, know this. It's no secret that marriage is hard. I feel bad for those who go into it thinking that making vows to one another equal happy ever after. The truth of the matter is, it totally can be...but not without working your "ask" off for it (as Tyson would say.) It's not a given, to say the least.
But my 'cup half full' outlook is this; I am okay with having my 'off' days, because it makes my 'on' days that much better. I feel that when you love someone with everything that you are, it is only natural for that same person to drive you in.sane. I fight more with Steve than I do any other person in my life, because I love Steve more than any other person in my life (and he leaves dishes in my room.) The same goes for every one of my children. Easton, for instance, can push my every button, by doing absolutely nothing at all. (Mainly when we are trying to get ready school, and he is doing...absolutely nothing at all.) I have learned so much in the past 10 years. I've learned how to live with someone, how to fight with someone, how to love someone with everything that I am. I love Steve more today than I did 10 years ago...not that hard. But I also love Steve today more than I did 5 years ago...now that's saying something. We're not perfect...I wouldn't want to be, we keep it interesting with our imperfections, for sure. But the magnitude of love I feel for him I don't believe would be possible without the grueling death matches along the way. Some may disagree, but for me, this is my belief.
I could go on and on about how 'in love' I am with my husband, but I am sure Amy and Rachael are already holding back the vomit, so for their sake I am trying to keep this to a minimum. I talked to Rachael on the phone this morning only an hour ago and was complaining about Steve and some of the things he's been leaving around the house lately, but then as I sat here on my bed and I got to contemplating, I felt blessed. My marriage is amazing. I know, gag right? I don't care. I feel like I hold back my feelings, because the norm is to talk about how crappy your marriage is. I can have those conversations too at times, trust me. But I feel blessed that I can say that overall my marriage is unbelievable. That I can honestly say there is no one that I'd rather spend my time with. I feel like I have the whole package. Because without the bad, you can't have the good. So I've taken it all. I am grateful to be married for time and all eternity, because as I've said to Steve before...that's how long it's gonna take to get this right.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
just a little sap
Posted by Lisa at 12:46 PM
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9 comments:
Ok, now that I cleaned off the spew chunks from my computer screen, I can comment. Holy cow lady, if that is you "reining it in" for my sake, I hate to see what you would say if you weren't holding back, Bella Swan. I am glad you love my brother, some has to, other than my mom of course. anywho, I appreciate the struggles you have been through because you shared them with me, which in turn, helped me. I don't mean that in a selfish way...you know what I mean. And just so you know the next big fight you guys have, I'll print this off and tape it to your forehead. Good day Mate.
I think since I am not related to your husband, I can totally appreciate this post! Not too much sap for me!
Awww Lisa this was so sweet. I think you two ROCK together. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
O.k. Lisa, this teared me up! How blessed you are to understand all that you do after "just" 10 years. The dirt tracked on floor or dishes in the bedroom...not a deal breaker! There are so many really awful things that some spouses endure. It is heartwarming to me...actually it brings me joy to read how you understand the importance of not sweating the small stuff cuz you've figured out what the small stuff is!! Kudo's to you girl! Awesome post. :)
that last post was from Aunt Patty, sorry I didn't see it was on Jareds!
so apparently after today, you know how i feel about a particular marriage that's currently falling apart in the public eye. and we all know that we DON'T know the ins & outs of their situation. however, what a lot of us realize is that they don't have or "get" this! your perspective is quite clear. if this particular couple had the knowledge you do on this matter, i doubt strongly that they would be in the situation they are currently in. an eternal marriage helps you stop at the threshold of a decision more, and help keep the choices in check. does that mean temple marriages don't fail? nope, of course they fail. those that fail have let go of the knowledge. if you don't use it, you lose it. that's the nature of the beast. many in failed marriages (including temple marriages; several i'm aware of have happened within my family) see their marriage end because they fail to remember that the covenants are made the day they say "i do" however, the covenants are kept in every moment since then...same applies to the temple. covenants are made there, yet covenants are kept & honored at home, at work, in social situations. it's an on-going deal. part of enduring to the end. just like making money, the quick, easy money is fleeting. it will not be there in the future. to easy to earn=too easy to burn. what you work hard for & constantly pursuing, THAT is what will endure & be there when you need it. the best things in life require hard work. remember the story of leah & rachel in the old testament? jacob slaved for 7 years for rachel's hand in marriage. instead at the end of 7 he was given leah. some would have stopped there, thrown a tantrum, and walked away. rather, jacob slaved an additional 7 years for rachel, his prize. now leah was probably nice, but what his heart really wanted & needed was rachel....therefore he was honorable and worked to secure her. same for us. we have it a little easier. our husbands are here in our lives now, we get to enjoy them AS we're working towards being worthy of securing our eternity with them. without the hard work, we would not enjoy them & recognize them as the blessings they are. and they are! when we forget that, we should be on our knees asking for Heavenly Father's reminder. would be sad to wake up on the other side, finally recognizing what we'd had in them.
so, as for your thinking/pondering, it's good. keep it coming! your thinking has gotten ME to thinking. sorry for the long comment, apparently its something i needed to work through in thought as i typed. you're my hero! thanks. =)
Your husband sounds amazing!
Have I met him before?
I love this post! And I don't think it's *gag* worthy at all. All marriages have ups and downs but the trick is to keep working at it and appreciate what you've got (and if that means spewing feelings in a blog so be it)! I've often wondered about your description.... I'll have to ask the full story later.
Darnit, Rachael beat me to the Bella Swan joke. Now it's ruined.
P.S. I love my husband like that too, when I don't want to kick him down the stairs.
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